What is marketing ?

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: " I am very rich. Marry me! " - That's Direct Marketing"

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: " He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: " Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car )for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! Me?" - That's Brand Recognition"

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - " That's Customer Feedback "

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - " That's demand and supply gap "

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - " That's restriction for entering new markets "

Economics 101: Models explained - with Cows

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, so you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then files the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

MALAYSIAN BUMIPUTRAISM: You have two cows, the State takes one and gives it to your bumiputra neighbour. From the milk you sell from the remaining cow you buy a bull and mulitply your herd. The State take 30 per cent of your herd as it grows and give them to your bumiputra neigbour. Your bumiputra neighbour has a kenduri each time they receive a cow.

UMNOPUTRAISM : The State takes 30 per cent of your herd and parks them in Switzerland in the name of some UMNO official or close relatives, friends and sons-in-law.

MALAYSIAN GOVERNMENT LINKED OR BUMIPUTRA CORPORATION : You have two cows. You employ mainly bumiputras to milk them. But both cows have been sent to the kenduri, so the State gives you more cows and write off the losses of the first two. After several kenduris later, you invite an American or German Corporation to turnaround the losses. The Japanese have however already taken their two original cows back home to Japan.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows because you're sobering up and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINA CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers.

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

IRISH CORPORATION: You have two cows...or is it three? What matters? Aren't you well off to have even one

Homer Simpson among most quotable

By Beth Hale

August 23, 2007 01:00am

Article from: Herald Sun

HIS most famous catchcry - "D'oh!" - is not even a word but Homer Simpson has matched some of the greatest wordsmiths by being quoted twice in the latest edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Modern Quotations.

Springfield's loveable slob appears alongside golden-tongued literary luminaries including Winston Churchill and Oscar Wilde.

The woo-hooing, doughnut-scoffing hero did not, however, win his spot in the dictionary with the classic: "Here's to alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all life's problems."

The head of America's funniest dysfunctional family, instead, scored with: "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

That appeared in an episode entitled Burns' Heir, written by Jack Richdale in 1994.

The other to appear in the dictionary published yesterday is his homily to the show's Indian shopkeeper: "Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate.

"And they practically raise themselves, what with the Internet and all."

That came in a 1999 episode entitled Eight Misbehavin', written by Matt Selma.

Both quotes appear under the entry for 53-year-old Groening, who is classified by the dictionary compilers as an American humourist and satirist.

Homer is not the first character from The Simpsons to find a place in the respected dictionary.

Already there is the much-repeated reference to the French by Scottish caretaker Groundskeeper Willie, who remarked: "Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys" in a 1995 episode.

And Bart risked a throttling by beating his father to the dictionary under a special catchphrase category for his "Eat my shorts!" and, "I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?"

Simpsons fanatics will also note that quotes that have not yet made it into the volume include schoolboy Ralph Wiggum's comment: "Me fail English? That's unpossible."

The new collection of more than 5000 quotations paints a vivid picture of our modern world.

From the mouth of Joan Collins there is an insight into love with the utterance: "Older men treat women like possessions, which is why I like younger men."

It also includes Stephen Fry's observation: "The email of the species is deadlier than the mail."

And there is a rather double-edged comment on the love of money in the quote from fallen media tycoon Conrad Black: "Since when was greed a criminal offence?"

After recently being convicted of fraud and obstruction of justice, Black will be sentenced in November.

In a reflection of the impact of advertising, furniture chain Ikea got in with the slogan, "Chuck out the chintz".

Another slogan that has been a household and media favourite for years also enters the book for the first time.

"Naughty but nice," was dreamed up by Britain's National Dairy Council in the 1980s in a bid to sell more cream.

Pamela Anderson and William Hague are others to contribute wise words, along with Gordon Brown and David Cameron and even Kate Middleton.

Dictionary editor Elizabeth Knowles said: "To edit a dictionary of modern quotations is endlessly fascinating.

"You find yourself looking at today's world from the perspective of a host of people from past and present, in quotations ranging from the deeply serious to the frivolous and surreal.

"And each time you come back to the book, you see from a new viewpoint, or hear a new voice."

'Barbie' luv you long time

By staff writers
August 22, 2007 10:35am
Article from: news.com.au

- Mattel to sue model over pornographic website
- Mattel says China Barbie damages their good name
- Toy company seeking $124,960 in damages

EMBATTLED US toymaker Mattel is fighting toxic toys on another front - a model's pornographic website using Barbie's name.

In a lawsuit filed in the US District Court in Manhattan, Mattel said the website for an adult entertainer named China Barbie tried to benefit from its success with the 48-year-old line of dolls.

China Barbie's site says she's a 34D-22-33 (all natural!) "cordial young lady" who sat behind the desks of some of the world's leading investment banking firms and advertising agencies in New York before getting into porn.

It says her filmography includes Me Luv You Long Time, Ethnic Cheerleaders 8 and Passport to Paradise.

The lawsuit said Mattel had registered its trademarks to protect the Barbie line of dolls and the $US1.6 billion ($2bn ) in sales it generated, the Associated Press reported.

Mattel said it has sold more than a billion Barbie dolls worldwide and a typical American girl owns eight of them.

According to the lawsuit, the offending website is registered to Global China Networks LLC and is operated by Terri Gibson, a resident of Hollywood, Florida.

Calls to Ms Gibson were unanswered today.

The lawsuit said Global China Networks used a domain name containing the word "barbie" in a "bad faith attempt to profit from Mattel's Barbie trademarks" and had damaged Mattel's good name.

The lawsuit asked the court to order the transfer of the domain name registration to Mattel, to award damages of up to $US100,000 ($124,960) and to order that any profits Global China Networks made be given to Mattel.

Mattel said the website was toying with an image it had carefully crafted since company co-founder Ruth Handler created the Barbie doll in 1959 after discovering that her daughter, Barbara, preferred to play with paper cutouts of adult female fashion dolls rather than baby dolls.



Division of genders really is colour coded

By Leigh Dayton

August 21, 2007 02:00am
Article from: The Australian

IT'S official. Blue is the most popular colour and women really do prefer pink, and reddish shades of blue like lilac and purple.

And the preference isn't just a result of social stereotypes, pushing pink on girls and blue on boys. It's innate and occurs across cultures, claim British researchers who studied the colour preferences of 208 young adults: 171 Britons and 37 mainland Chinese.

"Although we expected to find sex differences, we were surprised at how robust they were, given the simplicity of ourtest," said visual neuroscientist Anya Hurlbert of Newcastle University at Newcastle upon Tyne.

Along with psychologist Yazhu Ling, Professor Hurlbert asked volunteers to select, as quickly as possible, their preferred colour from each of a series of paired, coloured rectangles. They reported yesterday in the journal Current Biology that the most popular colour by far was blue.

"On top of that, females have a preference for the red end ofthe red-green axis, and this shifts their colour preference slightly away from blue towards red, which tends to make pinksand lilacs the most preferred colours in comparison with others," Professor Hurlbert said.

The finding was so strong that observers could pick the sex of people based upon their colour preferences alone.

"It's a fairly nice piece of evidence," commented Rob Brooks, an evolutionary biologist with the University of NSW in Sydney.

"Anyone with a son or daughter would probably get the sense that (colour preference) is not all socialised. My little girl loves pink and I don't know where the hell it comes from," Professor Brooks said.

Safety glitch sparks Maserati recall

By Mark Schliebs

August 21, 2007 11:29am
Article from: NEWS.com.au

DOZENS of Australian owners of one of the world's hottest sports cars have been asked to return their vehicles after it emerged that a software glitch could cause a high-tech stability control system to shut down.
Maserati has announced that the glitch could cause problems for models in its Quattroporte range. The models are priced from $269,000 to $298,000.

A target number of 38 models, 30 of which have been sold and registered in Australia, have been recalled due to the problem which could lead to the vehicle’s Maserati Stability Program (MSP) to disable itself.

While Maserati’s website said the MSP stability control includes the car’s ABS and the “electronically controlled braking distributor”, a spokesman said those features will continue working regardless.

“It doesn’t affect the ABS brakes or any of the other safety features,” the spokesman said.

“It’s a software issue… if the battery gets down to a certain level, the traction control will trip out.”

The problem arose from a defect in the MSP caused by “a bug in the electronic software”, Australian distributor Ateco Automotive said in a statement.

The statement also said that owners of the Quattroporte 139 automatic model should contact a Maserati dealer for details.

The Maserati spokesman said it was not a “catastrophic” problem and a warning light will appear on the vehicle’s dashboard if the traction control did cut out.


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